"Am I a good man? Am I a mad man?"

So recently I've been listening to the revisited Jekyll and Hyde Musical.  The original songs that were in the musical before it was edited for Broadway.  I personally like these songs more.  But listening to it reminds me of struggles I've endured for so long.  Being a member of the Mormon faith I have long felt inadequate and broken.  It isn't the Gospel or Principles they teach but the way the members inaccurately portray them.  I strongly believe in the truth of the things taught about Jesus Christ.  Growing up I gained this inaccurate view of myself as an imperfect and unworthy creature.  I was never good enough to please my parents, especially my mother.  I remember getting told to get dressed as a child. I did so and came downstairs proud that I had gotten dressed only to get yelled at for not wearing the correct thing.  This is just one example of how this imperfection got ingrained in me.  My mother is a good woman and my father a good man.  They are two parents who did all they felt they could to properly care for and raise their son.  Just as any of us they are imperfect.  The simple fact is I had some lies ingrained into me.
This brings me to the next point, because I saw the way my parents treated mistake and sin I assumed God was the same...only more perfect.  The true fact is that I was projecting them as an image of God. This is of course inaccurate because God isn't that way.  I saw him as a being who never saw me in a positive light.  I would never do anything good enough to please him.  So I tried for years to be more and more perfect and when I did not reach an expectation I had set up I fell apart.  I often fell apart with family, friends, roommates, or even teachers around.  Then they treated me like a problem or someone who was very fragile. Everyone would tread lightly around me. So I assumed I was broken.
It wasn't until I began attending therapy that I realized that these things were all lies.  I remember when I first realized that God loved me and supported me.  He didn't shame and condemn me as I had thought for so many years.  My therapist asked me questions that helped me to see the man I really am.  I realized that there was nothing broken about me and that an unhealthy environment can be so damaging.  I had surrounded myself with people who depleted my energies and spirit. (We'll get more into energy work and energy dynamics later.)  I am good man who is emotional and sensitive. Those are good things.Unfortunately our culture looks more and more into logical thinking as a superior way of living while emotion should not interfere. Where would we be without our emotions?  They each in their own way support and protect us.  God gave us everyone one of our emotions for a reason. It was because he loved us.  The range of experience is a blessing!  And still I struggle back and forth but I know the truth inside me head.  Now as I work translating that to my heart I feel like a whole being with great potential. I'm not broken and I'm good enough for me and for God.  That's good enough for me. "Am I a good man? Am I a mad man?" I'm a good man and what fun is life if you're not a little mad.  Be happy where you are and be happy to change and progress when the time is appropriate.